POST HERE EVERY TIME YOU THINK ABOUT DYING

[here cums the fuck truck]

oooh ya i definitely wana friggin die haha

[here cums the fuck truck]

im dying and my friend is crying

[ceph]

Going to get real here. Life has been absolute shit since summer 2018.

In the past, whenever I've gone through a rough time, I've been able to eliminate or escape whatever major stressor and recover. Unfortunately the stressors I've had on my plate since 2018 are practically inescapable. I say practically inescapable because there is technically a way out, but it ends with me being a crazy unmedicated homeless person.

The other day I made a spreadsheet of major stressors in my life -- there are 11 of them -- and ways to think about them more positively. It backfired. I can write down positive thoughts but if there's a shred of pessimism in my mind -- which there always is, especially lately -- it actually makes me feel worse. So I just ended up feeling overwhelmed that I have so much shit in my life and had a nice panic attack.

Most recently, as a result of strictly increasing stress levels for 2 years, I'm now struggling with sleep anxiety along with either an ulcer or functional dyspepsia. Either one of these make it extremely difficult to fall asleep. Combined it is impossible to sleep without taking drugs.

I've had such shit luck lately but I do want to count my blessings. I have some family that cares about me. And I have wetfish. I love you all.

[here cums the fuck truck]

thanks for opening up & sharing, ceph

[here cums the fuck truck]

i feel nothing

[nicefish]

I'm not at the extreme where I want to die, but my life is quite meaningless.
My life is mostly YouTube trying to sell me a vehicle through the recommended videos.
And also there's the conflict of no perfect vehicle. Except the ones that are too expensive.

I need a new obsession.

[here cums the fuck truck]

yeah i'm having a decent day i just.. i feel numb for no reason. it happens.

[Ozmiander]

that's been my default state for years.  Nothing is terribly wrong, but nothing is particularly right either.

[Sonder]

It happens a few times a day for me.
I think it can be healthy to think about one's own mortality, or to realize that life is a continued effort and thereby a choice.

[here cums the fuck truck]

[Ozmiander]

Obviously there's catharsis in sharing/admitting to pain.

[here cums the fuck truck]

maybe just a little death

[here cums the fuck truck]

[here cums the fuck truck]

[woodneko]

yeah